By Savannah Sheets
I climbed my tree, a big Bur Oak. The rough bark pressing in to my callused hands. I felt the familiar ache in my shoulder from falling out of the same tree a few years ago. I reached the highest branch that would support me and looked out across the forest, reaching my hand up as if to grasp the clouds and also my freedom. Why must I be stuck here? Why can’t I just find my own way in the world and not be told how to act? Oh, what would it be like not to have someone nagging at you constantly to be more lady like?
Sitting in my tree I felt at peace, as though nothing could harm me. I felt free to let the wind rip through my hair, feeling as though I was flying. I day dreamed about traveling the world, seeing London and Greece and exploring ancient ruins. The sun began to descend behind the farthest trees. The crackling of a angry squirrel woke me from my reverie. “Oh crap, I’m going to be late for dinner. I mean oh darn.” Just what I need, my mom complaining about my tardiness. I mean I’m sixteen, I should be able to stay out past dinner.
I quickly descended the tree, but in my haste I caught a piece of my skirt on some bark. I tugged at it until the force of my pulling caused it to come loose, but also caused me to fall. I quickly picked myself up and ran as fast as I could for home. It was quite a ways home, and I could just picture our little shack of a house and mom putting dinner on the table. The twins, Abigail and Annie, sitting in their normal spot next to mom, probably discussing their next prank on Martin, my brother. Martin would be sitting across from them in his usual quiet manner. Martin would glare at Abigail, who always lead the pranks, causing Abigail to kick him under the table with the force of a plow horse. Dad sits at the head of the table next to his young son, glancing at his wife as she sits across from him. Of course, my chair next to Martin would be empty. No shock there! Mom wouldn’t say a word, but would continue with the dinner prayer.
I burst into the room right as the word “Amen” echoed on the wood walls. I didn’t notice that my hair was knotted by the wind and my knees as dirty as pig hooves. No one looked at me as I walked to my seat. I know this is a regular occurrence, but come on people I’m not invisible. I mean I’m a seventeen year old girl with hair as blonde as mom’s corn bread, not easy to miss. I bowed my head and walked to my chair, let the Clarson dinner begin.
Our meal consists of some corn and a little chicken, the size of my finger. We are a poor family. Mom and Dad make just enough to keep us from starving. You would think with the lack of food they wouldn’t have the energy to fight with each other, but somehow they always managed. It usually was about me. When We finished eating my mom sent us to bed. I took off my dirt covered clothes and put on my night gown. I began to crawl into bed with Abigail and Annie, but then I heard the familiar pop of the kettle and knew that my parents were getting ready for another long talk. I sneaked out of bed and sat next to the kitchin wall. The walls were thin enough that I could hear every word.
Mom said, “Iris needs to be taught to act like a lady. You see the way she runs off like a rabbit everyday. She always comes back trailing more dirt than a farm hand during plow season. She needs to settle down and get married. I don’t know how much longer we can continue to support her.”
I peaked through a crack in the wall and saw her look at dad with sadness in her eyes, as he sat at the table with his head in his hands.
“I didn’t want to bother you with this Marie, but it looks like Samson, (our plow horse) is going lame. We will need to get a new horse before the planting season is up.”
Mom lowered herself into the chair and seemed to shrink within herself. “We can’t afford a new horse, Nicola. We can barely afford to buy seed.”
“I’m so sorry, Marie. I never thought things would be this way. The fact that I can’t provide for my own family sickens me.”
I saw a tear trickle down his face and caress his brown beard. Mom walked over and put a hand on his shoulder.
“I know you didn’t, but this only pushes me to make the decision that we need to send Iris to live with my sister, Samantha, in New York. She can be taught to act properly and hopefully she will come home married.”
Dad said nothing, but nodded slightly.
I felt myself collapse against the wall as I saw him nod. What, how could they do this. How could they just send me away? I had never even heard of this so called Aunt before and now I am supposed to go live with her. I can’t leave, my whole life is here, my forest, my siblings. This can’t happen, I won’t let it.
Apparently I had no say in the matter. I woke up and mom and dad told me what they had decided. This is my life I should have a say in the matter.
“Your father will take you to the train station in three days. I’m sorry Iris, but this is for your own good” mom said as she reached for my hand.
Next thing I knew I was running. I ran straight for my tree. I could here them calling after me, but my feet did’t stop. I climbed up and sat in my nook and cried. The first time I had cried in years. This can’t be real. I looked out across the forest. I can’t leave this behind, the way the vines climb the trees and burst into the sunlight. The sound of the wind through the trees mixing with the sound of my heart. This is were I belong.
I heard mom call me from home. I guess I have to go home sooner or later. I to climb down, but this time I paused. I looked once more out across the forest. I promise I will come back. I grabbed the familiar branches and lowered myself to the ground. Instead of running back, I walked. Taking everything in, as if for the first time really seeing it all.
Three days flew by and before I knew it, it was time to go. My mother made a great going away breakfast, well great being a roll and a bit of jelly, a rare treat in our house. My father and brother loaded the wagon. Before I left I said my goodbyes and there were some tears shed. My twin sisters gave me a little going away present. It was a little mouse, barely bigger than my thumb. Abigail carefully slid the mouse into my pocket while Annie kept watch. She was wary to get to close to it. I was used to mice, I gently stroked his fur in my pocket. He nibbled my fingers, showing me that I wasn’t alone on this journey. I whispered a thank you in Abigail’s ear and she told me, “He should stay in your pocket if you feed him regularly. He likes to sleep most of the time.”
I decided to name him Kit. I could feel him searching for food right away in my pocket. I gave him a little bit of my roll and after he soon fell asleep. I hopped into the wagon and looked back at my forest. I could just see the tree I used to climb with Martin in the distance. Well with him was in reality him watching from the ground and telling me to get down, saying “Your going to break something.” I would look down and laugh, sometimes throwing a walnut at him from a branch. I looked at our small home and knew I would miss the closeness of it. Mother was holding back tears, clutching Abigail’s hand as if she would run and grab me at any second. I looked once more down at Martin and saw him just in time put a small object into my bag. He winked at me and smiled. I turned to the road ahead, afraid if I looked back again I would cry. And so my journey began. It took two days to get to my Aunts, a day by wagon and a day by train.
On the first night we stopped at a town called Nork. We stayed in a small inn, the first night. As we neared the inn, I could scarcely see the sign through the intense fog. The horse drew near suspiciously fearing pot holes or drunkards in the street. Finally I saw it, “The Four Wall Inn.” Well it did live up to its name. The building was nothing more than four walls. This inn was more a charity for drunks to go after their dangerous games with liquor. Too drunk to wander home many drunks could be seen sleeping on the floor or on cots, some possibly in their own puke.
I couldn’t believe this place, the smell was worse than the time Dad brought home “Fresh” fish from town. “I’d rather sleep in the wagon”.
Well it turned out that we had two choices. We could sleep in the wagon or share a cot with Higgs, a bellied up man with a beard of brown with bits of leftover pork in it. Higgs didn’t budge at the mention of his name, he only made the notion that he heard us by rubbing his oversized, yet slightly exposed, belly and grunting. His wedding rings covered in what appeared to be gravy.
“I guess we will be sleeping in the wagon,” said father. He smiled at me amused by the scene around him. I couldn’t stand the smell any longer and went to the wagon. I rubbed the horses necks and whispered praise to them. They were more interested in sniffing my hand and searching for treats. One of the horses sniffed at my pocket and stuck their upper lip out as if he smelled something bad. That’s when I realized Kit was still in my pocket. He popped his little head out of the pocket and looked at me with eyes full of the weeds of sleep. He finally cleared them away and looked up at the horse questioningly, as if asking “What do I have bad breath?”
I couldn’t help myself I burst out laughing imagining this. Father came out and looked at me suspiciously.
“What,” he asked.
“Nothing, just imagining what Higgs’ wife will think when she finds him in the morning?”
At that he smiled and proceeded to hop into the wagon, offering a hand to me. I took it and got into the back of the wagon. I prepared out beds, which consisted of two blankets and some hay. Before I knew it I heard the familiar sound of Dad’s snoring. I laid down and felt the familiar prick of a piece of hay. A tear welled up at the idea that this would be the last time I would be sleeping like this. Tomorrow I would be on a train, far away from the smell of hay and thick canvas. Kit seemed to sense my sorrow and crawled out of my pocket and onto my neck. He looked me in the eye, providing a listener for my comfort.
“I don’t understand why things need to change. I love who I am and who says I need to be a lady in order to find someone to marry me. I mean, who decides what is lady like? I’m a lady, maybe not a fashionable one, but I have hair and what is defined as womanly physicality's. Kit, if you were a man, would you marry me?”
He made no reply, but a soft stare.
“Off course you would. I give you food and I keep you warm at night” I said. “That’s all men really seek right?”
We woke up to the sound of clothes snapping on clothes lines from up stairs windows. I saw the town for the first time in daylight. It wasn’t much. It consisted of one street with about two shops and a few saloons, a brothel and of course the “Four Walls Inn.” Dad got the horses ready while I got breakfast ready. I gave some of my roll to Kit, who gladly received it. Dad and I began our departure to Norton, where I would get on a train and head to New York.
I didn’t speak to Dad most of the way to Norton. I could tell that he was upset by the way he slumped his shoulders. I knew he didn’t want me to leave, but I just couldn’t get over the fact that he agreed to send me away. I looked down at my feet studying the scratches on the cloth. Trying to remember when I aquired each of them. Dad made a sudden pull on the reins and brought us to a halt. I fell forward in my seat and looked at him iritated.
“What are you doing?”
I want to explain. Your mother and I don’t want to send you away Iris, truly. We would love for you to stay and be happy, but in order to survive you need to leave and find someone to marry you.”
“But why do I need to be married? Why can’t I just find a job and travel? I know how to read and write. I could become a teacher.”
“The world isn’t as simple as you make it out to be Iris. Women are meant to work at home and you need a husband in order to afford one. Your mom and I have no dowry for you. That is why you need to become a respectable young lady, so men will want you regardless.”
“Regardless of what?”
“Regardless of the fact that you act like a child. We love you Iris, but you need to grow up.”
At this he shook the reins and we jolted back to our original pace. I didn’t say a word. How could he talk to me like that? I don’t act like a child. I act like a woman who just wants some adventure. I don’t want to be a farmer’s wife and sit at home preparing meals. Let him think what he wants, I will prove him wrong.
We arrived at the train station a couple hours later. I slowly lowered myself from the wagon and looked up in astonishment at how big the train was. It was as big as my house and as black as a raven. Father took my luggage out of the back, he handed it to me along with my ticket.
“Your train leaves in about half and hour. You will be on it until tomorrow afternoon. New York is the last stop. Your Aunt should be waiting at the train station for you. Be careful Iris, you haven’t had that much experience with cities and they are a lot different than the country.”
He hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. A tear welled up in his eye and he quickly hopped back into the wagon. Before he had time to leave I grabbed his sleeve and cried, “I love you, Dad!”
“I love you too, my girl.”
At that he rode away. I stood silently and watched him until he vanished from sight. Breathing deeply I turned and walked toward the train. I looked at my ticket for my section. I was in second class. I smiled, mom and dad must have scrounged for enough to pay for this. I found my section and gave the conductor my ticket. He stowed my luggage and showed me to my compartment. It was a small compartment with a red leather couch for a bed. At least I wouldn’t have to share. The conductor looked at me expectantly. “Thank you sir.” He walked away confused and disappointed.
I settled into my new room. I looked in my suitcase and found the trinket that Martin had put there. It was wrapped in tree leaves. I unfolded them gently and inside was a bird carved from some tree bark. How in the world did he manage this? The intricate detail of the wings and head were amazing, especially for a boy of twelve. The bird seemed to be a barn owl, my favorite. I pressed it close to my chest. At that point Kit came out of my pocket and sat on my lap. He sniffed at the wooden figure, probably trying figure out if it was edible. I set the bird on the window sill and brought out a piece of bread for Kit. I stroked his soft fur as he nibbled his food. After he finished he crawled up my shirt and laid himself down in the crook of my neck. I could feel his little heart beat and soon it was slow and quiet.
The train began to pull away from the station. This was it. Let it begin. I curled up against the window careful not to jolt Kit. The scenery passed by in vibrant colors, yellows and greens mixed with blue of the sky. I saw my tree in my mind and wondered what I would be doing if I was home. What is my family doing right now? Picturing them all sitting down to eat, I soon fell asleep.
I felt a tickle on my cheek. I opened my eyes to find Kit staring intently at me. “Wow, what’s wrong Kit?”
“I’ll tell ya what’s wrong. You are abandoning your dream Iris. Why should you give up on your plans just to make your parents happy?”
“Wait, your talking? You shouldn’t be talking. I must have hit my head or something?”
“You didn’t hit your head Iris. You might as well have considering your going along with this plan for you to become a lady. What about seeing Greece and London? You won’t be able to do that if your stuck in tea parties. Wake up and follow this” placing a paw on my head.
“Don’t you mean to follow my heart?”
“NO, hearts are for chumps who have the IQ of a walnut! I mean your head.” At this he pawed my nose and startled me, causing me to hit my head on the window.
I jolted awake. What the heck! I could feel Kit’s warmth on my neck and realized that I had been dreaming. I stroked his soft fur, trying to calm myself. I could still feel his little paws on my nose. Wow, that was weird! I grabbed Kit and gently put him in my pocket, giving him some of my leftover roll. I left my compartment. I had to get out of this box.
I began walking down a long corridor of red carpet. The rocking of the train causing sea legs. I reached the end of the hall and passed into the bar car. There were only a couple of people, that’s when I realized that it was close to midnight. I saw a soldier sitting at a booth by the window. He was in his green miliary uniform. I couldn’t help but stare. He was so charming. He glanced around suddenly. I quickly made a bee line for the bar.
“No kids in here,” bellowed the bartender.
“Sorry sir, I was just looking for something to drink,” I causally blinked my eyes in the most innocent manner that I could, even tilting my head. This usually worked on my dad, but this guy must of been having a bad day, cause he was having none of it. He glared at me with his puffed out, aproned belly bulging over the counter. I could smell cigar smoke on his breath. I made a slight cough, which really got him started. He was about to grab me.
“Hey, Ed she’s with me,” said the soldier casually. We both looked at him in surprise.
“I didn’t know Tom, sorry,” said Ed, moving away from me and looking as if he just met his maker.
“Hey come here,” Tom whispered pointing to the seat in from of him.
I walked over and slid into the booth, my skirt trailing across the seat. “Thank you for what you did, but I could have handled it.”
“What’s your name,” he said, completely ignoring my previous complaint.
“Iris, Iris Clarson.”
“Where you from Iris?”
“Cooper, Wisconsin.”
“My name is Thomas Throton. I’m from Fielton, Rhode Island. Don’t worry about Ed, he just like a big dog. All show, no go.” He took a swig of his drink and looked me up and down.
“What?”
“Your rather young to be traveling by yourself?”
“I’m seventeen, I turn eighteen soon. What about you, you seem a bit young to be all by yourself in a bar car?”
He laughed at my brass statement. His eyes lit up with a youthful glow. “True, I am only twenty, but when you wear a uniform most rules seem to disappear. I’v never met a girl like you Iris. You don’t allow others to walk over you. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but I would much like to see you again.” He smiled and leaned closer to me.
I smiled and realized that I too had never met someone like him. Then again I had met very few people. I nodded in agreement.
“Great can I buy you lunch tomorrow?”’
“Sure, I am heading to New York so I will be gone by dinner.”
“Me too, but to Rhode Island. My stop is right before. May I meet you back here at around, noon?”
“Sure, I’d like that.” At this he smiled from ear to ear, revealing his boyish pride at having succeeded at getting a date. He jumped out of his seat and gently reached down and kissed my hand.
“Until, we meet again, Iris Clarson.”
I glanced nervously around as his lips brushed my hand. I hope no one was watching. Wait, what do I care. Let them look. Iris, the girl they all said would be a spinster, has a date. He walked out the bar door and was out of sight. I couldn’t stop smiling all the way back to my room. I leaned against my door, breathing a sigh of utter affection. I was running on flirtatious fumes.
By morning they had worn, off and I realized I didn’t know anything about this man. He kissed my hand before we had even exchanged birthdays. I became angry at the idea that I had turned into a petty school girl at the sight of a uniform. I was determined not to let him put me in such a state again.
I walked to the bar car a little late to show that I wasn’t overly eager at the idea of meeting him. He was sitting in the same spot as last night, but this time his hair was all disheveled and he looked more normal. I walked up to him an gently slid across from him.
“Iris!”
Hi Thomas, you look different than last night.”
“Yea, about that I am truly sorry about last night. I was way to forward. I was honestly a little drunk. I hope you will give me another chance?”
“Well, I could give you another chance if you promise to not treat me like a child.”
“Deal, now why are you heading to New York.” he perched his elbows on the table and leaned in expectantly.
“Well...” and so I told him the story. He listened intently, nodding occasionally. It was the first time I had actually talked to someone whole heartedly. When I finished he leaned back and stared at me for a moment as if seeing me for the first time.
“Why are you going through with it? Seems to me that you could easily take on the world. Besides your far more interesting than any “lady” I have ever met,” he said smiling.
“I don’t really know. I want to make my family happy and I don’t want to be a burden on them.” I couldn’t believe that I was spilling my guts to this guy.
“The way I see it, your family just wants you to be happy and they think that in order to be happy you have to be married. I say to heck with that. Do what makes you happy. Go see Greece and London. That’s what I would do.”
“Yea, but your a man. You could be single the rest of your life and no one would judge you for it!” After saying this I knew that I didn’t believe it. I wouldn’t care if people judged me so long as I’m happy.
“Iris, I can tell that you aren’t like other girls. You don’t care what others think. I mean you let me kiss you in public last night. Most girls would have slapped me at the thought of a scandal.”
I smiled in response. I had never been praised before. I was so used to be reprimanded for being late or dirty. “Thank You, Thomas.”
We continued our meal and talked casually about our pasts. He told me that he only had a day at home, until he was deployed to Germany. Apparently they couldn’t live without him. As our check came, I realized that we had been talking for two hours. His stop was next. I didn’t want this to end. As he reached for the check I grabbed his hand. He gently took it and put his other hand over mine. This lasted for quite awhile until the waiter came back with our mints. I tucked my hand into my lap.
He walked me back to my room. Just as he was about to turn to leave, he stopped and kissed me. This time I didn’t look around. I kissed back and before I wanted we parted. He headed back down the hallway and out of sight. I closed the door to my room and sat down. My heart was racing. Kit popped out of my pocket and looked up at me curiously. I gave him some cheese left over from lunch. “What do I do Kit?” “I’ve never felt this way before.”
I sat stunned. Over the speaker I heard, “Rhode Island, 5 minutes.” I could hear the pounding of my heart, as if it were a ticking clock. I looked out the window and saw the wood carving on the sill. I jumped out of my seat grabbed the figurine and my bag and ran for the door. ‘Rhode Island” sounded again. I stood in the door way, looking at the station. I slowly walked down and onto the platform. I can’t believe I am doing this. I looked down the platform and I saw him. He turned and our eyes met. He smiled like I have never seen before. The next thing I new he was running toward me. He picked me up and spun me around laughing. I laughed and began to cry. I’m not really sure why. I guess out of the pure joy of finding someone that wanted me for me. He held me in his arms and walked toward the exit to the station, as if setting me down would cause me to change my mind. I smiled at him and knew that my real journey had only just begun.